Disaster Date

It's taken me a bit of time to work up the nerve to write about the couple dating experience I mentioned in my last post. Before I get into it, let me just say, it was brutal, and I'm still recovering.

We first met this couple at our holiday party last year. He works with Alex and she's a stay-at-home mom--maybe it was the mulled wine, but they seemed nice enough. In the spirit of this blog, I thought I was up for the challenge of getting to know them better. Big mistake. I'm not sure exactly where the date veered off course, but I'm choosing to view it as a learning experience in hopes that the next time around will go more smoothly. Here are my takeaways:

• Four people do not need to consume three bottles of wine in an evening. Especially if one of them is a designated driver.
• It is inappropriate for people you don't know well to ask deeply personal questions like, "Are you unhappy in Brussels?"
• If they do choose to pry, they should not expect a warm reception.
• When a couple fights at the table on the first date, it is extremely uncomfortable for the other couple.
• It's rude to select a very expensive restaurant without consulting your dates and then proceed to pressure them to order the most expensive thing on the menu.
• Drunken conception stories should probably be saved for date three.

Not the best date, I have to say, but I have another one planned for next week. We're meeting up with two other couples, so I'm hoping at least one pair is on good behavior.

Starting is the hardest part (or Hi, I’m Sara and I’m single).

Today I emailed Amanda and told her I was stressing about writing this first post, the one about what is lately a fraught subject for me – dating. I like to think that I’m a pretty open person, but I’m private in a lot of ways too, which makes this project we’re undertaking at once exciting and nerve-wracking. Amanda suggested I think of this as a journal entry and let it out, so if this starts to sound confessional you have her to thank. But seriously, I have her to thank for being an encouraging partner in crime.

The thing is, I never really dated until I moved to D.C. a couple years ago. At least not in the “who’s gonna pay for dinner wallet dance” sense or the “meet close to a metro in case you need to make a polite but quick escape” sense. (Not to mention in the “try to glean some sense of a person from an online profile and only go for drinks in case you need to make a polite but quick escape” sense.) Putting aside middle school and high school (for now~), I don't think people did a whole lot of traditional dating in college, though many people were in relationships at some point. After graduating from college I started a long-term relationship that lasted a good 3 and a half (to 4, give or take a few ill-defined months) years, after which I went to graduate school and mostly dealt with the long and winding road that lead to the end of that intense first love, while meeting some intriguing folks, but not really dating them either. And then I moved to D.C., thinking I was now in a time and place to get serious about dating. When I looked around, however, I found that so many of my peers were already attached—engaged or married or on the way to marriage with their significant others. I felt at times like I inadvertently missed the boat, though at other times I was reminded that there was no standard story or timeline, and that I certainly wasn’t alone in a state of searching. And then I turned 30, and unexpectedly that seemed to put me in some phase where being single was not so simple anymore. Why did turning 30 feel like such a turning point?

A little over a year ago, my brother and his girlfriend pushed me to set up an online dating profile. They literally supervised me until I created a username and wrote some sort of blurb about myself. I squirmed but eventually put something out there. It’s an odd exercise which many people comment on in their profiles (“I’m not so comfortable writing about myself or touting my awesomeness but here goes…”). To that end, it helps many of us online daters to say that good friends or family members have urged us into it, even though it seems like everyone’s doing it these days! Anyhow, it’s been interesting. I’ve met some really nice people. I’ve gone on many first dates, some second and third dates, and even had a couple experiences that could have veered toward a relationship, but they haven’t quite gotten there. I’m ok with that; I’m still looking for the right guy for me, and I think (oh man, I hope) I’ve learned a few things in the last year. I will try to write about some of those things here.

In this new year I’m trying to focus on being as true to myself as I can be, and to really think for myself about what I want (and why). A single girl (and, I’m sure, a single guy) has to contend with a lot of different messages about who and what to be looking for. I’m not always so good at the more risky, proactive part of dating, the part where you have to stick your neck out and risk rejection, but I realize it is incredibly important to do that if I want to find that awesome dude I’ve been dreaming about. So my challenge for this month is to ask someone out. Sounds so simple, if I could just get past the starting part!

Couple Dating: Blind dates, Good Dates, and This Month's Challenge

As a newlywed living in a new city, I've done my share of couple dating as my husband and I try to make friends. In a way, couple dating is almost more nerve wracking than dating dating because not two, but four people need to feel the connection in order for there to be a second date. Alex and I have definitely been on dates where I've spent the night bonding over childhood memories with the woman in the other couple, but Alex has found the man to be a bit boring or boorish. Or, he's spent the evening in a deep, thrilling discussion with the man in the other couple, but the woman and I have struggled to find anything in common. It can be hard to find perfect four-way chemistry.

We've been on a few disastrous couple dates since we've arrived in Brussels. One of the more awkward experiences was a blind date (never a good idea!) set up by friends in the U.S. Since our dates were friends of friends, we assumed they would be about our age, have similar tastes, etc. Not the case. When we arrived at their apartment (which looked like grandma's house, by the way, complete with figurines and a plastic tablecloth covering), we realized that they had about 15 years on us. They were also, apparently, equally surprised when we walked in with our baby faces and wannabe hipster garb. We had an awkward moment, and then proceeded to pretend like it wasn't awkward and made our way through dinner. To be fair, they were nice people, but it was clear from the outset that there would be no second date. It felt all around like the romantic blind date your aunt sets up with her friend's nephew, who happens to be a head shorter than you: From the first meeting, you both know that it's not going to work, but you continue with pleasantries until you can run home and call your best friend with the gory details.

We've had some fun dates too, nights when the four-way conversation flows and before you know it the night is over. It's a similar high to a successful romantic date, a little buzz of excitement that comes with feeling as though you're finally making friends. Since we've lived in Brussels, we've made some good couple friends, but are still working to expand our social circle. For this month, my challenge is going to be to get out there (forcing Alex to go with me, of course) and go on a few more couple dates. We have one tonight with one of Alex's colleagues and his wife. Speaking of, I should go pick out my outfit...

--Amanda

January (The Beginning)!

Welcome to Creatively Challenged! We’re excited to begin 2012 with the launch of our blog and high hopes for a creatively fulfilling year. Our debut month’s theme is DATING. We know, not everyone is single and hunting for the person of her dreams, so we’ve expanded the concept to include friend dating in addition to the romantic kind. We’ve all experienced draughts in our social lives (friends move away, your just went through a break up, you and your partner are struggling to find couples with whom you both enjoy socializing, etc.), so we’re hoping that by infusing a little creativity (and accountability) in your mission to mingle, you’ll end the year with some great new friends or maybe even the love of your life. (Fingers crossed!)

Here’s your mission: Select a challenge from the list below (or make a dating-related one up) for the month of January. We’ll do the same and blog about our struggles and successes in meeting our selected challenges. Let us know how you’re doing by commenting on our posts. Good luck! (We know we’ll need it…)

Challenges:

• Go on three romantic/friend first dates
• Ask a random person (someone to whom you had no formal introduction) out to coffee, a drink, or dinner
• Ask an almost-random person (someone to whom you had some introduction) out to coffee, a drink, or dinner
• Join/participate in some sort of organized dating program (e.g. speed dating, a mixer, an online dating site, a social group, etc.